On Being Friends With You: Understanding Depression & Self Acceptance

You ever spend so much time with someone that you feel like you want and need some space to yourself? I feel like this is, generally, a concept understood and accepted by most people. Now, I’d like to invite you to also consider that the person that you spend the most time with is yourself. But, for the ~300 million people worldwide (World Health Organization, 2017, and that’s just what was reported) that live with depression, this may not be such a great relationship. For those people, living with depression is like living with someone that you’ve spent too much time with and can’t get away from.

Sometimes I like to think of my depression like a mini version of myself that I can control. I watch a lot of Black Mirror on Netflix (think ‘White Christmas’ if you’re a fan; if not it’s a 10/10 so, put the blog down…back away slowly and pull up a tab and get to watching, this is not a drill). Thinking of it this way helps me externalize things and gives me a sense of control. This is what works for me. I once read an amazing Reader article on Buzzfeed by someone that likened their depression to a “bad dog”. That one can be found here and is a personal favorite.

Now, to put it this way is really watering things down. Often times depression shows herself with other, different faces, like anxiety or anger. These are the faces that are less commonly recognized as depression but are still her, through and through. Depression is cancelled plans. She is sleepless nights. She is sleeping all day. She is eating everything and eating nothing. She is screaming at your loved ones, your mail man, and your pizza delivery guy. She is not showering for days. She is hyper vigilance. She is isolating into the depths of your apartment to watch reruns of a show that has been off the air for years. Depression knows no age, she doesn’t care about the color of your skin or what vibrations your throat makes when you speak your native tongue. She doesn’t care who you pray to, what you stand for, or what you believe in.

I know what you’re thinking. How can all those things be depression? Some of those things seem to compete with one another. You may have heard that depression is an inability to sleep and eat, listlessness, fatigue, etc. and you’re right. These are many of the symptoms of clinical depression. The other symptoms however, are common of atypical depression, which is characterized by oversleeping, overeating, mood disturbances, etc.

Let’s talk stigma.

Because depression can happen to anyone, understand that not everyone seeks treatment because not everyone believes in treatment. Remember when I referenced the 300 million people worldwide that have depression and said that this was just what was reported? This is because many cultures do not recognize depression as even existing, much less being a legitimate thing that they should be seeking treatment for. My purpose for writing this is obviously because I’m sharing my own experience, but I’m also providing some education here on how to understand this from all sides.

I feel like this post would be lacking if I didn’t mention the misgivings I feel people have about those that suffer, and I mean truly suffer with their illness. People with depression often get labeled as ‘lazy’. We’re not lazy- we’re SAD. We’re SAD and we need a sense of empowerment and control. I’ve seen some of my friends get disappointed or angry if I’ve cancelled plans, but if I need to put my mental health first I need to put my mental health first. I’m not flaky- I’m depressed. I’m not ditching you – I’m anxious and can’t be around other people sometimes. Sometimes I need to partake in some #boringselfcare (this is a THING- check it out on Instagram!) and wash my face and deep condition my hair. Seriously– sometimes my depression doesn’t let me do those things. Again: Not lazy, SAD.

To anyone out there that loves someone with depression: Please try to understand this. Your friend and loved one is going to have their bad days. Even if they’re in therapy, intensive outpatient program, or on medication, this doesn’t mean they’re “cured”. You can be in recovery, on medication, and still struggle. They’re going to have days where they don’t even want to be around themselves. Normalize and accept this and LOVE. THEM. ANYWAY. If you can’t do this, my suggestion is that you excuse yourself.

To anyone out there that has depression: Be friends with yourself. You spend a lot of time together. Something I’ve been trying to do lately is add one piece of self care to my ‘To Do’ list. I took a training last month that urged us to consider ourselves and do daily check ins and ask ourselves how we’re doing in each of the areas of wellness (Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, Social). Essentially, these areas create a “Wellness Wheel”. The idea behind this is to check in with your wheel when you’re feeling “off” to help you identify and address why because when one section of the wheel is “deflated” the whole wheel can’t help run the car (you). Long story short– I went home and cried. Let’s just say my “Wellness Wheel” was more of a “Wellness Deflated F*cked Up Line”. Casual. But you know what, I KNOW I’m not the only one out there with a messed up Wellness Wheel (case in point my JOB for Pete’s sake). I’m fixing it one day at a time, the best I know how, and that’s okay.

So if you’re out there and you’re a little sad, or a lot sad, you’re struggling, you’re depressed, you need a shoulder, or you’ve got an ‘effed up Wellness Wheel, I’m with you and this one’s for you. We’re okay.







About That Time I Got Us a Floof

Well, friends, I’m now sharing my boyfriend with another woman.  She’s got gorgeous brown eyes, she’s with him all the time, he spoils the crap out of her, and she has a lot of love to give in return. Before you get too confused — she also has four paws, fur, and squats to use the bathroom. That’s right, we adopted our first doggo!

About three-ish-or-so months ago Matthew started playing around with the idea of getting a dog. Living upstate (STILL temporarily for work reasons, civil service is just the BEST #sarcasm), a dog would be a great companion for walks/runs and to make the days less lonely. Naturally, I thought it was a great idea. I’m a total dog person– Dog backwards is God and that isn’t a coincidence 😉 just sayin’.

So here was the catch. Matt’s always wanted a Husky. If you know me, however, you know that I have an affinity for a smaller breed. Matt and I won’t be apart forever. The plan is to spend our lives together– this was going to be OUR doggo, we agreed. But — real talk– the piercing blue “Husky eyes” freak me out and make me feel like my soul is being stolen from me. Judge me. Whatever. I’ll keep my soul, I need that. ANYWAY, I tried to get Matthew to agree on a Pitbull- NOPE. Shepherd? NOPE. Any smaller breed? FUHGEDABOUDIT. In fact, as he was getting his gallbladder removed, Matt’s mom and I were on Petfinder for the entire 3+ hours just looking at little floofers looking for The One.

One day it happened. As I was laying in bed scrolling through Petfinder pages I found our dog. Her name was Ashika and she was being fostered in a kennel 15 minutes away from my job. She was the perfect compromise: not a Husky, not a Shepherd, but both. A SHEPSKY- with beautiful, BROWN eyes, and good with dogs and cats (very important, since Matthew’s parents have a pit-lab mix)! I immediately did the application before I even sent her picture to Matthew; I knew he would love her. He did. (I believe his exact response was something along the lines of “Alex!!!!! What if I want to eat her up!!!!!?”) I received an email back within an hour from Cindy from the ATeam Elite Pet Rescue, approving our application and asking if we could come in that weekend. As fate would have it, Matthew was scheduled to be home that weekend. We made the appointment and Matt met me there after work that Saturday.

FUN FACT: The ATeam Elite Pet Rescue group is EXCELLENT. I highly recommend them. It is a husband and wife team that pulls Shepherds/Huskys from kill shelters and pays for their medical treatments and finds them a home. They work through Petfinder and call themselves the ‘ATeam’ because they give all of their dogs ‘A’ Names on the site! ADORABLE.

Back to the story. We weren’t too keen on her given name, Ashika. It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t what we would have picked. When we got there we noticed she wasn’t responding to it. When we asked about it, were told that we could name her anything we wanted and that Ashika was just a “paperwork name”; the little baby didn’t have a name!! Almost 3 years old and she didn’t have a name! She was essentially being used to breed. She was from Texas and they pulled her from a kill shelter in an area where people were breeding dogs like her and were always looking for younger puppies. She was malnourished, but despite all this she was friendly and you could see that she had a great temperament. We were in love.

We were given all the documentation on her shots and her microchip, as well as her spay, which was all included in her adoption fee. Since this was, hands down, the most difficult year of Matthew’s life, I made the very easy decision to take care of all the fees as an early Valentines/Birthday/I love the crap out of you present. I do love the crap out of that guy. And I love the crap out of our little floof, Dakota, or as we are calling her, Kodi. (Heart eyes emoji)

Maybe I’m not a small breed person after all. She’s so cuddly and so smart. I feel like a proud mom. She LOVES the car, which is good because she goes wherever Matthew goes. She’s so good on her leash and in Petco, and she loves all people and dogs! She crate trained pretty well, too. My little family is pretty tubular and I feel like we did a pretty adult thing. YEAH ADULTING! NOW ON TO THE NEXT THING: TAXES!

At the end of the day, it’s all about who you want to own a dog with.


I’m only funny in 160 characters.

Did you miss me? I haven’t posted in almost 6 months, so I hope you did. As much as I’ve missed writing, I’ve been really busy with a bunch of things over the last ~180 days (mostly crap) and I just haven’t had the time to do the things.

Let me sum up what I’ve learned in the last 6 months for you right here:

  1. I’m only funny in 160 characters. There have been times I’ve thought about writing about something funny that happened at work or in my personal life, but it’s been best served as a snappy tweet. Like the time my friends and I wound up running down the street from a Santa on a motorized scooter or the time my mom was yelling at me over something ridiculous so I started singing hymns to her. I’m a grown ass adult. I’d love to do stand up, but I feel like my best friends are the only ones that would laugh at my sarcasm and/or poop humor. Shout me out if you like poop humor.
  2. Sometimes even the people that are supposed to be your mentors let you down. It’s like when you find out that your parents aren’t superheroes and you realize that they’re just Gracie Lou Freebush and Eric Bob from New Jersey (you caught me, I watched Miss Congeniality last night) and don’t fight crime behind the scenes. It’s the same with your mentors. Sometimes they don’t do right by you, sometimes they don’t stand up for you when they should, sometimes you see the underside of a proverbial bus… I’ll stop there.
  3. Same thing with doctors. We finally found out that we spent over a year doing a million tests on Matthew (see: Boyfriend), including biopsies, painful and invasive tests, etc etc and it turns out it was his gallbladder the whole time. I’m no doctor, but doesn’t that seem like a really basic thing that should have been checked out a long time ago? I lost faith in doctors in 2015.
  4. I’m still comparing my Chapter 3 to others’ Chapter 10. FOMO is real. The desire to rush through your 20s and settle down is real. The only thing I haven’t experienced is the biological clock rush to have kids but I’m waiting for that to hit me like a ton of bricks. #Realtalk. I’m not ashamed to have put my career first, and I’d make that choice over and over again and I’m sure my boyfriend would too, but it just kind of stinks sometimes when I’m sitting at my desk wearing reindeer ears counseling clients about the importance of wearing deodorant and remembering to practice mindfulness knowing that I wish I was going home to my guy at the end of the day, that’s all. (That was just today, one isolated example, and it’s only 10:25am! Goodie.) All in all, my clients could pretty much ask me to walk over hot coals for them and I’d consider it. I mean, of course I wouldn’t do it, but I’d consider it more than I would for the average person. My career is SO much to me and I love working with these people. They’re some of the kindest, most resilient and genuinely impressive individuals and I’m lucky to know them.

That’s the main message of the tail end of 2017. I get that some people had a great 2017 (ie: Taylor Swift, and boy was her saying that controversial!), but I think for the vast majority it was pretty much the pits.

Let’s talk resolutions. First of all, I’m not calling them resolutions anymore. Why? Because it sounds shitty when you don’t do them. Let’s call them ‘INTENTIONS’. I think this is much more person-focused, positive, less cliché and kitschy language and I like the IDEA behind making an intention.

I’m looking to go into 2018 with a new set of intentions (or a new outlook on old intentions), most of which I INTEND to write about in the coming months as I battle with them. I wish for all of you reading that you find some comfort in my musings, battles, and off beat humor. Who knows, maybe I’ll be funnier in more than 160 characters and actually start my book or look into doing some stand up. Probably not.



The ‘Ick’ Factor: How To Not Please Everyone & Do it Well

If you’re a person, chances are you know someone that no matter what, you just can’t make them happy. Or, if you’re really lucky, you could know several.

I’m finding that the older I get, the more I see that I am the captain of my ship and dictate how I can respond to these individuals. Seems pretty simple in theory, but could be much more difficult in practice. Why? Well, let me tell you a secret, I’m a recovering People Pleaser. I know, I know. Deeply rooted in my own issues that date back to probably elementary school bullies was that nagging sense that I had to please everyone and be liked by everyone. I still struggle with the feeling that I want to be liked by everyone, and I’m thinking that I’m not alone in this. To be frank, knowing that someone else is not happy with something I’ve done- even when I’m trying my best- feels icky and I just don’t like sitting with that feeling. But, the thing is, sometimes you have to, because you literally cannot please everyone and some cannot be pleased at all.

Does this sound like something you needed to hear? Good, me too. When it comes to responding to people that cannot be made happy no matter how many times you do a headstand and spit out wooden nickels (anyone else’s Grandma use that old adage?), I’m finding that the best thing to do is just stop.

Yup, just stop. Even if it feels icky.

If you’re unable to find some common ground, stop trying to please them and do what you think and feel is best. Not only is this person using up their own energy, you’re letting them use up yours. This is energy that can be spent in more productive, adaptive ways, rather than spinning your wheels and gears for someone that won’t do the same to meet you half way. I’m finding, especially in my social work career, that if I can balance trusting my gut with doing what is the most ethical and well-intentioned, I’m usually on the right path. This can- and does!- ease the ick factor.

Now, when I say that you should stop, I’m not saying you should be rude. You can agree to disagree, hold your ground politely, or disengage- depending on the scenario and your relationship with the person involved. Sometimes I practice the art of ‘hold my ground, be polite, keep the conversation moving, get the hell out of there’- in that order. Whether it is professional or personal, I’ve been trying to be mindful of this and practice it when I can.

I’ve made a pact with myself, and I guess now with my blog readers too, that I’m going to reduce the negative energy I expel or feed into and really make an effort in nourishing the positive energy. I’ve heard that this can help increase that thing that everyone is talking about… I think that they call it “happiness”. Maybe you’ve heard of it? In all sincerity, sometimes you have to work at happiness and for me, this is a big part of it.

So far, so good.



Hospitals, Boxes, & Bachelorettes, Oh My!

So, here’s the deal with the deal.

Life has been really not so fun lately but I’m doing my very best to put on a smile and hope for the best. The great Mindy Kaling said, “Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.” I hate lip gloss, so for me let’s say that I put on my volumizing mascara and do my damnedest to serve up that illusion of being psyched.

A few of you have noticed that I’ve been vacant from my blog and that’s pretty frickin awesome, so thank you for noticing my absence and actually reading my shit. My cousin even brought to my attention that Netflix is releasing yet another piece on mental illness (this time anorexia) on July 14, titled “To The Bone”, and let me know that she hoped I’d watch and review through my social worker lens as I did with “13 Reasons Why”. That pretty much made my life and I totally can’t wait to watch it in hopes that it isn’t another glorification of the “manic pixie dream girl” shtick. But more on that after the 14th.

So if you’re wondering where I’ve been, or even if you know where I’ve been but are reading this anyway, I’ll break it down. A couple of posts back I had mentioned that my boyfriend is sick; he’s still sick and will actually need surgery for a second biopsy in just about two weeks. Let me tell you, it’s really painfully easy to get lost in the internet and somehow convince myself that I’m an M.D. and that everyone’s dying. In reality, the internet has the power to make even a paper cut look fatal and I’ve got an M.D in bullshit. <sarcasm> So, with that said, things are going just great. </sarcasm> I’ll try not to worry until I have to because there are a ton of other things going on that I can throw myself into in the meantime…

Like work! Work has been super hectic. We are opening up another affordable and supportive housing program about 15 minutes away from my site and it is the biggest project that my agency has taken on yet! We have a bunch of our clients that will be moving into this project because it is permanent housing (my site is transitional housing and rehabilitative support) and a less restrictive setting. With those people moving out, we have been doing lots and lots on intakes for new clients to move into our program (Yo, I heard you like intakes so I got you some intakes to go with your intakes!) so that they may begin receiving our services and eventually, hopefully, move on to a more independent level of care.

I also turned 26 last week! So that was… fun? ((I’m totally lying and freaking out and the existential dread is looming)) That’s all I’ll say on that.

Aaaaaand, as if I’m not completely overwhelmed, I’m moving in 27 days. Thank the sweet lord that I work in a residence because the one thing I have enough of right now is BOXES. Sleep? Don’t got that. Energy? Nope. Motivation? FUCK no. But boxes? This I got. Everyone keeps asking me if I’m moving in with Matthew and let me clear this up for the 67th+ time: I WISH. He still lives upstate and is still waiting to take a promotion to NYC parole through the dept. of corrections OR (which I don’t think he’s jazzed about anymore since finding out he could take the promotion test and go work in parole) the NYPD. He will, however, be taking a leave after his surgery so I’ll get to spend more time with him!!! I’m truly looking forward to being able to go over there and see him whenever I want or vice versa. I’ll never take that for granted ever again. I’m also just trying to just be patient and remember that in (almost) every single scenario where things didn’t work out how or when I wanted them to, they wound up working out how I needed them to. So, basically in the meantime of all this craziness, I’m taking a 2 year lease on a super sweet apartment (with an in-unit washer/dryer, which we haven’t had in OVER EIGHT YEARS) and splitting the rent with my momma bear. My sister lives with us too, but she’s away at college a great deal of the year. If you’re not from Long Island, and I know I’ve actually had some readers from other continents even (THANK YOU!!!), trust me when I tell you that this is the smart financial decision. Times be tough in suburbia but at least we know how to have a good time.

For me, when things are hectic and I feel a little lackluster I need to try to find things to look forward to and be happy about. I feel like this is generally good advice, and I would likely advise my clients to try to do the same thing. This move, although stressful, is definitely one of those things keeping me going. The apartment we live in now has a lot of negative associations and painful memories and I have been desperately craving a fresh start from that.

Another HUGE thing to look forward to? My best friend is getting married on October 20 and her bachelorette party is in less than a week! To say I’m looking forward to this would be an understatement. We are renting a house by the beach so we will be going to lay in the sun, visit a cider house, go to a nice dinner, and most importantly, stir up some shenanigans (because what kind of a bachelorette party doesn’t have shenanigans?!). I have some surprises up my sleeve as well… ::insert evil laugh here:: MWAHAH. Yeah, yeah, yeah, everything is going to be dick themed. You caught me.

Anyway, there was definitely more I wanted to share today but I’m losing steam and I’m hungry.

Thanks for catching up with me! I’m sure as the weeks go on I’ll be wanting, and frankly needing, to write more.




On Getting Out Of Your Own Head

Is anyone else out there unjustifiably hard on themselves? Welcome to the club. What’s your jacket size?

In all sincerity, stop that. I’m willing to bet that everything– well, maybe almost everything– you’ve thought negatively about yourself in your own internal monologue is just that: internal. I’ve never realized how much of my own insecurities can’t be seen by others. But I’m gonna go ahead and share some because why not? I hope it helps at least one person feel more sane.

So, I for real think I have imposter syndrome. I’ll save you the Wikipedia search.

Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome or the imposter experience) is a concept describing high-achieving individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud”. The term was coined in 1978 by clinical psychologists Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes. Despite external evidence of their competence, those exhibiting the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be.

I know that might sound ridiculous but hear me out. A lot of the times I really don’t think I deserve to be where I am even though logically I know that I work my ass off and really care about my career and more importantly, the specific job I have now and my clients. But the main thing I’m insecure about? My age. I feel like people look at me and question my competence because of my age. I’m younger than almost all of my coworkers and, like I said, some people may be reading this and thinking “Girl shut up about your youth” but it really is something I think about all the time and makes me really insecure and you don’t get to choose your insecurities.

But then it hit me. I recently was talking to a coworker who asked me how old I am and when I told her I’ll be 26 this month she admitted that she actually thought I was older. She didn’t think a damn thing of my age. She didn’t think I didn’t deserve my job because of my age. She didn’t think I was incompetent because of my age. It was my own internal issue. Now, I’m sure there are people out there that may think I’m incompetent because of my age, or really for whatever reason, BUT the moral of the story is this: Not everyone thinks that. It’s probably in your head.

Another thing I tend to do to myself: obsess over my “timeline”. I had an idea of where I thought I would be by 26 and surprise: I’m not quite there yet even despite the things I have done. I look around and see people that are also my age and we are all over the map– some, quite literally, are travelling the world while others are going back to school, graduating, getting engaged, some are newlyweds, and others have been married with kids for some time. Many are doing a few of these at the same time even.

In the age of social media this is not a new, radical concept, but you just CANNOT, CANNOT (one more time for the people in the back), CANNOT compare yourself to others. It could make you feel invalidated or unhappy for inane reasons. So I’m here to tell you that I get totally insecure when I open up Facebook, and if you feel that way too, well, let’s go get a cup of coffee or something.

Some people I graduated with are married and/or have the cutest little kiddos running around and I find myself getting a little upset that I’m not there yet. I look at their pictures and their statuses and to be real and frank, sometimes I get jealous. But then I realize how silly I’m being– I’m not even ready for those things, and I know this to be true. It’s so easy to get in your own head and lose sight of your own reality.

When my sister graduated high school, she decorated her graduation cap to say “enjoy the journey”. I loved it. It’s simple and, albeit cliché, it’s important. I mean, clichés are clichés because they’re true and used often. I wish I could remember more to enjoy the journey, tell my inner monologue to shut up, and never lose sight of my own reality. The truth is, this is going to happen in life. I’m going to lose sight of that. I’m going to compare myself to others and I’m bound to feel like I’m failing at adulting one way or another in the future; the way to make it happen less often, however, is to be aware of it and to be present enough to practice mindfulness and enjoy that journey for what it is.


Am I Paranoid Or Just Really (Really) Bad At Being Optimistic?

An optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The realist sees that there’s room to add more vodka.

I’m not clever so I didn’t make that one up. I saw it on Facebook recently.

Today I’m worrying extra about my boyfriend and his health. I don’t think he would appreciate me writing about his personal life on here too much but he also supports me in using this page as an outlet so I’ll try to balance this delicately. Essentially, he has been very sick and is waiting on biopsy test results. I’m sure he would tell you that the procedure itself was the painful part, but for me of course the waiting for results is the painful part.

Now…. maybe I’m being paranoid here. Maybe I’m just really really bad at allowing myself to be optimistic… but I did the one thing that most people will tell you NEVER to do: I Web MDed myself into a deep hole. I mean DEEP, you guys. A hole so deep that I feel like at any second Buffalo Bill is going to come around and tell me to put the lotion in the basket.

That was a bad joke. Forgive me.

I didn’t always used to be a pessimistic, nervous, hypochondriacally charged person. I feel like this started for me a few years ago when I experienced the first major loss of someone in my life– my paternal grandmother had an aneurism, which triggered a stroke. Her passing was unexpected. It was the most painful thing I had ever experienced. That was when I realized how temporary everything is. This is also when my anxiety peaked. In 2015 I experienced another major loss. My maternal grandmother, who was essentially like a second mother to me and was there almost every single day of my life, was brought to the hospital for what we though was the beginning of dementia. She was gone exactly a week later. It was lung cancer that had metastasized to the liver and the levels of ammonia in her body, caused by the metastatic cancer, was creating the dementia-like symptoms. To this day I can barely think about her without crying. I don’t think losses get any easier over time– you just become used to the pain and the longing of missing them and you learn to live with that. You continue to grow around the loss, accommodating for the space it’s left in its wake.

I’ve had other losses since the loss of my grandmas; my grandfather, my stepmother’s father, a client, and unfortunately two of my coworkers as well have passed over the last two years. It never gets easier. I adapt to the loss and do my best to keep moving forward and grow around the loss.

Part of growing around these losses, especially the unexpected ones, leaves me in this paranoid and pessimistic limbo. I always find myself getting much more worried when anyone close to me is sick than I used to. This is not to say that I used to not care or worry, of course I did, but this worry feels like more of a pathological worry. I hate to use this word, because in some way I feel like it doesn’t have a true meaning, but for lack of a better way of saying this I’m going to say it anyway: This can’t be ‘normal’. Can it? I think I tend to hide my feelings sometimes and I just need to say that I’m really terrified about the idea that anyone else that I’m close to could be gone so easily, or so quickly for that matter. I guess when I put it this way it does seem like a kind of ‘normal’ thought.

Anyway, this is something that I’ve learned about myself over the course of several years and I’m really not sure how to, or if I even can, slow my roll and chill the hell out (do you know how hard it is to use my therapeutic techniques on myself?!). I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about all the negative ways Matthew’s results can go but I’m trying really hard not to go down that road. It’s troublesome to think that although he is the one not feeling well, he’s the one comforting me and telling me it’s going to be okay– one of the many, many reasons I always struggle to put into words how much I love him. He’s truly an exceptional human. And I like his face.

So, since I can’t seem to shake my paranoia and general sense of pessimism (I’ll choose to blame Web MD and overthinking) I’d like to ask that the Blog Gods or any potential readers I have out there to put some good stuff out there to the universe for him and cross your fingers that I can pull my own damn self together long enough to be the support he needs.