Tag Archives: love

Hospitals, Boxes, & Bachelorettes, Oh My!

So, here’s the deal with the deal.

Life has been really not so fun lately but I’m doing my very best to put on a smile and hope for the best. The great Mindy Kaling said, “Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.” I hate lip gloss, so for me let’s say that I put on my volumizing mascara and do my damnedest to serve up that illusion of being psyched.

A few of you have noticed that I’ve been vacant from my blog and that’s pretty frickin awesome, so thank you for noticing my absence and actually reading my shit. My cousin even brought to my attention that Netflix is releasing yet another piece on mental illness (this time anorexia) on July 14, titled “To The Bone”, and let me know that she hoped I’d watch and review through my social worker lens as I did with “13 Reasons Why”. That pretty much made my life and I totally can’t wait to watch it in hopes that it isn’t another glorification of the “manic pixie dream girl” shtick. But more on that after the 14th.

So if you’re wondering where I’ve been, or even if you know where I’ve been but are reading this anyway, I’ll break it down. A couple of posts back I had mentioned that my boyfriend is sick; he’s still sick and will actually need surgery for a second biopsy in just about two weeks. Let me tell you, it’s really painfully easy to get lost in the internet and somehow convince myself that I’m an M.D. and that everyone’s dying. In reality, the internet has the power to make even a paper cut look fatal and I’ve got an M.D in bullshit. <sarcasm> So, with that said, things are going just great. </sarcasm> I’ll try not to worry until I have to because there are a ton of other things going on that I can throw myself into in the meantime…

Like work! Work has been super hectic. We are opening up another affordable and supportive housing program about 15 minutes away from my site and it is the biggest project that my agency has taken on yet! We have a bunch of our clients that will be moving into this project because it is permanent housing (my site is transitional housing and rehabilitative support) and a less restrictive setting. With those people moving out, we have been doing lots and lots on intakes for new clients to move into our program (Yo, I heard you like intakes so I got you some intakes to go with your intakes!) so that they may begin receiving our services and eventually, hopefully, move on to a more independent level of care.

I also turned 26 last week! So that was… fun? ((I’m totally lying and freaking out and the existential dread is looming)) That’s all I’ll say on that.

Aaaaaand, as if I’m not completely overwhelmed, I’m moving in 27 days. Thank the sweet lord that I work in a residence because the one thing I have enough of right now is BOXES. Sleep? Don’t got that. Energy? Nope. Motivation? FUCK no. But boxes? This I got. Everyone keeps asking me if I’m moving in with Matthew and let me clear this up for the 67th+ time: I WISH. He still lives upstate and is still waiting to take a promotion to NYC parole through the dept. of corrections OR (which I don’t think he’s jazzed about anymore since finding out he could take the promotion test and go work in parole) the NYPD. He will, however, be taking a leave after his surgery so I’ll get to spend more time with him!!! I’m truly looking forward to being able to go over there and see him whenever I want or vice versa. I’ll never take that for granted ever again. I’m also just trying to just be patient and remember that in (almost) every single scenario where things didn’t work out how or when I wanted them to, they wound up working out how I needed them to. So, basically in the meantime of all this craziness, I’m taking a 2 year lease on a super sweet apartment (with an in-unit washer/dryer, which we haven’t had in OVER EIGHT YEARS) and splitting the rent with my momma bear. My sister lives with us too, but she’s away at college a great deal of the year. If you’re not from Long Island, and I know I’ve actually had some readers from other continents even (THANK YOU!!!), trust me when I tell you that this is the smart financial decision. Times be tough in suburbia but at least we know how to have a good time.

For me, when things are hectic and I feel a little lackluster I need to try to find things to look forward to and be happy about. I feel like this is generally good advice, and I would likely advise my clients to try to do the same thing. This move, although stressful, is definitely one of those things keeping me going. The apartment we live in now has a lot of negative associations and painful memories and I have been desperately craving a fresh start from that.

Another HUGE thing to look forward to? My best friend is getting married on October 20 and her bachelorette party is in less than a week! To say I’m looking forward to this would be an understatement. We are renting a house by the beach so we will be going to lay in the sun, visit a cider house, go to a nice dinner, and most importantly, stir up some shenanigans (because what kind of a bachelorette party doesn’t have shenanigans?!). I have some surprises up my sleeve as well… ::insert evil laugh here:: MWAHAH. Yeah, yeah, yeah, everything is going to be dick themed. You caught me.

Anyway, there was definitely more I wanted to share today but I’m losing steam and I’m hungry.

Thanks for catching up with me! I’m sure as the weeks go on I’ll be wanting, and frankly needing, to write more.

 

 

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LDR? NBD.

So I mentioned in my ‘About’ post that I’m in a long-distance relationship (LDR). Matthew and I have been together for 5-plus years. I say “plus” because, depending on which one of us you ask, results may vary. I acknowledge our anniversary as being in May 2012, however, he thinks we’ve been together much longer than that. If you’re wondering how that is possible, chalk it up to what can best be described by referencing yet another television show (this is a pattern of mine): “Awkward”. There was no set point in which we sat down for the conversation–the DTR (Define The Relationship). After several months, we finally were unmistakably together in Spring of 2012, but — get your buckets ready because it’s gonna get mushy– it’s a well known thing that I was his long before that.

Not the entirety of our relationship has been long distance. We only fell into this when his career brought him 5 hours away in February 2016. Since then he’s been on an 11p-7a schedule and has come home (and I refuse to allow myself to reference his apartment as “home”) whenever he can. Sometimes this is weekly, sometimes this is biweekly, sometimes worse. It varies because he does not have any set time off and his schedule rotates. My career has similar caveats;  I work as the program supervisor in a  residential mental health setting on a Tuesday through Saturday schedule and I’m on call on a pretty regular basis. Managing our careers with our relationship has not always been easy or convenient. but it has been worth it.

I’m writing about this today because I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection. I mentioned in starting this blog that I would be using it to process, and wrote previously that the last 2 or so years have been difficult. I’m sure I’ll write more on those things another time, but my main coping skill has been taking time to reflect on the beauty of the positives. Today, this is exactly what I need.

Matthew is one of the people that there are no words good enough to describe. He has been my absolute rock when life has gotten overwhelming and I just couldn’t deal. Thinking about when our LDR is no longer long distance, where I can see him every day, whenever I want, at normal human hours (remember he works overnights!) makes me feel hopeful and keeps me going. I’m the kind of person that does well with things to look forward to. His move back here has been in the works pretty much since he took this job, which was something he absolutely needed to do to better himself in his field. I couldn’t really make the move with him because we agreed that I needed to be here for my job. These are the tough decisions and conversations you have to have, the ones that nobody told you could be a part of doing the whole ‘adult’ thing. (It blooooows.)

Someone told me just yesterday that they did not know how I did it (the LDR) because they missed their boyfriend who was away for a few days. Having the one you love away for any amount of time sucks. As for the people that have their significant others living much further than 5 hours away…I don’t know how they do it.

Patience, catching one another awake at the same time to call/text/Skype, and loving each other fiercely is the only way to make the days count. I love this guy more than anything. He’s the smartest and most attentive person I know and today I feel better by reflecting on how lucky I feel to have not just someone that “gets” me, but to have him, even if he is a flobbityjillion miles away (science!). He’s a goofy, sarcastic, loving, stubborn pain in my ass and I would not change or trade him for all the rice in China.*

 

*FUN FACT: That one was a “You Can’t Take It With You” reference, which is how he and I met! We did theatre in college.